I watched
my mother be 1,000% devoted to my granny when the time came in my granny’s life
that she couldn’t care for herself. It always amazed me – the sacrifice mom
made to care for her mother. She always promised my granny that she would get
the best possible care and that care would be from her. I never understood it.
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| G.G. - December 2001 |
My mom
gave up everything to insure that my granny was happy, comfortable and well
taken care of. One thing my mother took great pride in was her flower garden. It
was beautiful! That garden had so many different types of flowers and they
bloomed from spring to fall. She loved fresh flowers in her house but most
importantly it brought her great joy to cut a bunch of fresh flowers for
someone else and surprise them with a beautiful bouquet.
She gave
it all up for my granny. She left her
house, her furniture and the beautiful garden to move into my granny’s home
with my granny’s furnishings. A home that needed many repairs and wasn’t in the
best neighborhood. But, none of that mattered. What mattered was my granny was
comfortable in her surroundings and she was receiving the best possible care.
As for flowers…my granny was highly allergic to them and could not have them in
her house. But, that didn’t matter.
We lost
my granny in 2007. She was a wonderful feisty woman who is greatly missed by
all, every day.
During
the years my mom cared for my granny I always told her, “Mom, when the time
comes that you can no longer care for yourself you better hope Scot (my brother)
is willing to take you in and care for you because I’m not giving everything up
like you did. If he isn’t willing, then you will be in a nursing home because
I’m not going to do it.”
I meant
those words whole-heartedly. And she knew it. I saw what she went through with
my granny. It wasn’t something I was ever going to do. EVER!
A few
years ago mom hurt her knee. It healed and recently she injured it again and it
required surgery. The doctor said it just needed to be a simple scope procedure.
I was willing to help her for a few days until she was back on her feet. No problem!
I love my
mom and she knows it. And, I know she loves me. There are no doubts about our
love for each other. But, we are both big control freaks and we don’t always
see eye-to-eye.
Her
surgery was on Monday, March 24, 2014. After the procedure the doctor came to
talk to me and said there was more damage than he thought. She had 2 tears. One
small one on the inside of her knee, and a very large one on the outer side of
her knee. The one on the outer side was large enough that the tissue flapped
over. This meant he had to do more work than expected and she was going to be
in pain and she needed to stay off of her leg as much as possible for the next
week. No problem!
They sent
her home with crutches. But she didn’t walk with them out of the hospital, they
wheeled her out in a wheelchair. No problem!
BIG
PROBLEM! When I got her home I realized 1.) she had no clue how to walk on
crutches and 2.) she was way to groggy from medication to balance herself. No
problem! Someone had given us a walker “just in case” she needed it. (Thank
God!)
BIG
PROBLEM! She really didn’t know how to walk with a walker either and was too
groggy to do it by herself. No problem! Her gal-pal, Nancy was home to help me
get her to her room, changed and into her bed. No problem! Nancy
Even
though mom was groggy and being a good patient her control side emerged and she
wanted to do it by herself. She wanted to do it her way but, she didn’t
understand she couldn’t because she was groggy and she didn’t have balance. BIG
PROBLEM! Hello… introducing MY control freak. The more she insisted the more aggravated
I became.
All the
walking, changing clothes, getting in bed not only wore her out it wore me out.
Her pain intensified and it was almost impossible to help her get out of her
“high off the ground” bed and onto the bedside potty, which was less than a
foot away.
It wasn’t
even 5 hours after her surgery that my thoughts began. “I can’t do this. I
don’t want to do this. I said I would never do this.”….even though I knew this
was a temporary situation and not the time of her life where she needed daily
and forever care.
BIG
PROBLEM!
I knew in
that instant I needed to not only pray myself but reach out to some of my
church sisters and ask them to pray for my attitude. So, I sent out a group
text message being totally honest of how I was feeling. I didn’t hold back. I
shared it all. I received the responses I knew would come:
“I’m
praying.”
“Here for
you. Just let me know what I can do.”
“I’ll fix
you dinner and come help.”
Those
responses helped calm me down. I was content.
No
problem!
Then I
received a private text from my darling sister in Christ, Mindy. It read (quote)
“Remember that God made her your momma. He
set her in that position. Serve God not your momma. You be Jesus to her and let
God be God.”
BIG
PROBLEM!
My attitude.
Those
words took me to my knees in shame. I know they were not said to make me feel
shameful but to help me be the LOVE of Jesus. And in that very instant
everything lifted. All of my anxiety, frustration and attitude were gone.
28 WORDS!
From that
moment I saw things with new sight. Those words took my heart to a totally
different level of love. They opened the eyes of my heart.
You see,
I saw a “deed” or “task” that needed to be done. Not a serving to God but, a
chore. Not a delight, honor, or privilege as it should be seen.
Hours
later when Nancy
What we
didn’t realize was mom was still groggy from pain medication and she still
didn’t know how to walk with crutches or a walker. (Not that she couldn’t, but
she didn’t know the proper way to do so in order to not inflict an injury).
With one of us in front steadying the walker and one of us behind her just in
case she lost her balance it took us 15 minutes to get from one room to the
other, and they were side by side.
Before we
got her to the bed she started to shake, saying she was cold. In a matter of
seconds her shaking intensified to the level of an uncontrollable, teeth
chattering shake. And there was absolutely nothing we could do. We couldn’t
rush her into a position on the bed or we could injure the leg that just had
surgery. We didn’t think to turn on the electric blanket to warm the bed because
it was a quick decision and the room was cold. It’s a guest room and it’s not
used very often.
Like
chickens with our heads cut off we began moving rapidly trying to get her
covered up and warm. One of us ran to the dryer with a blanket and turned it on
while the other tried to untangle blankets and get her covered as she laid on
cold sheets. And I mean cold!
BIG
PROBLEM!
There was absolutely nothing I could do to warm her any faster. Even
laying next to her waiting for the warm blanket from the dryer – it seemed like
hours watching her shake uncontrollably. Once the blanket was warm we placed it
under the other blankets against her body…and we waited. She slowly began to
stop shaking.
Huge sigh
of relief. She is now warm. No Problem.
BIG
PROBLEM!
I now
have to uncover her to put the ice contraption back around her knee. My heart
sank. I felt horrible. When I told her what I had to do these huge tears
appeared in her eyes and she softly said, “ok.”
What
seemed like a massive lump in my throat happened as I pulled the warmth off her
body in order to put ice on her knee. I felt like the cruelest person in the
world.
I wonder
if Jesus ever felt that lump in his throat?!?
I stood
by her bedside and watched her slowly – and I mean slowly – start to relax and
drift back into a state of grogginess. (Thank you, God!)
I knew
she wouldn’t rest long and I knew I needed rest as well since I had only had 1
½ hours of sleep in 48 hours. So, I curled up in bed and set my alarm for 2
hours. She didn’t even rest for 2 hours. Her bladder called. No problem! We had
this challenge mastered!!
BIG
PROBLEM!
She had
exhausted all her strength. There was nothing left. Her arms were flimsy from
holding herself up on the walker and her weak leg was tired from trying to do
all the work.
It was
1:30am. Even though I was drained of energy I developed a strength that only
God could provide. I’m a fluffy kinda girl and so is my momma. But in that
fragment of time I was able to hold both of our weights to move her from the
bed to the potty and back to the bed. It was truly supernatural strength!
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| Me and Mom - Summer 2012 |
As I got
her tucked back in bed she began to weep. I bent over to ask what was wrong
thinking she was going to tell me she was in pain, however her words were, “
I’m sorry but thank you for taking care of me. I know it’s something you really
don’t want to do.”
BIG
PROBLEM!
I sat on
her bed, snuggled as close as I could and held back the tears in order to not
allow her to get even more upset. The words that I had spoken for so many years
– words that were not only etched in her head but in her heart, confronted me
face to face. My words. My words!
If only
she knew the 28 words. Words that had been shared with me hours before. Words
that changed the way I felt about caring for my momma. Powerful words that
changed my mind on who would care for her years down the road when she could no
longer care for herself.
This life
event is only temporary. Her knee will heal. The pain will subside. The
strength and endurance will return and she will be back outside tending to her
beautiful property and delightful flowers. And when this temporary stage is
over and she is back up on her feet I will share those 28 words with her. I
will then forever begin to tell her that she too, like my granny, will receive
the best possible care. It will be me and it will be my honor to serve God and
be like Jesus for her. NO PROBLEM!
So when
you’re challenged with a task that you really don’t want to do please let
yourself be reminded of these 28 words, even though it may not have anything to
do with your momma.
“Remember that God made her your momma. He
set her in that position. Serve God not your momma. You be Jesus to her and let
God be God.”
Blessings!
Bo
03/25/2014
4:46am
