FORGIVENESS:
As
a young teenage girl, I was angry. I was angry at the world. It took little to nothing to set my rage into full force. It didn’t matter if it was the way you
looked at me, maybe something you said to me, or I simply was in a bad mood
from waking up. I couldn’t explain the turmoil within my soul. And little did I
know then that it had to do with forgiveness.
Back
then I’m not sure I really even understood what forgiving was. I could be mad
and tell someone I forgave them but, the next time they upset me this flood of
emotions would erupt and the wrong they did before was present yet again. You
never knew when my temper might rear its ugly head.
As
a young adult I learned to not allow the “old thing” you said or did to me come
to the forefront. It remained in the past. You see this so many times in
relationships. There’s an argument (example) Your boyfriend goes out with the
guys and doesn’t call you when he said he would call. He says he’s sorry, and
you say you forgive him but, the next time you have a disagreement, about
anything, you bring it up saying, “well, remember back when you did ____….” And
you spout it out before you even think about it. And most times it has nothing
to do with whatever is happening in the moment. But you haven’t truly forgiven
because you’ve allowed it to work its way into your words.
I
think many people “think” they forgive others but, in honesty, deep down within
their heart they are so hurt that they hang on to what happened in the past.
Several
years ago I experienced true forgiveness. I worked side by side with a youth
pastor. One day he received a call that there had been an accident with his
mother at her home. When he arrived at her home he was told she had been
murdered by her boyfriend. I was not present when he arrived at his mothers
home. However, I was told that his words about the man who had done this
terrible deed were something like, “He, too, is Gods child and must be
forgiven.” This didn’t mean he didn’t feel this man needed to pay the price for
murder. When I heard he had said those words I cried in anger. How in the world
could he forgive someone like that for what he did to his mother? I truly did
not understand.
As
I grew to know Christ and grew to know this youth pastors heart and his love
for Christ I learned that with all his power he not only talked the talk of
living by Gods word but he was walking the walk. Is the pain of losing his
mother to such a tragic death gone? No. It’s something he deals with every day
of his life. And everyday he forgives.
I
always speak my mind. If you make me mad, I tell you. If you hurt my feelings,
I tell you. And occasionally, anger sparks within. I can honestly say recently
my feelings were deeply hurt and due to anger I wanted to say some very mean
things to the person who inflicted this pain upon my heart. But I refrained. I
was honest with them about wanting to say very mean things to them but, instead
I shared that God calls me to be a better person. He calls me to forgive.
That
event reminded me of something I wrote about a year ago. It was something like
this:
Have you ever not forgiven yourself
for something? Who are you to be that mighty? If God forgives you and you can’t
forgive yourself, are you not putting yourself higher then Him?
He
died to wash away our sins! So we could have eternal life! How much more
forgiveness could we ask for?
As
flesh, many never admit, nor say they are sorry and they never ask to be
forgiven. The important thing is that you forgive. For when you do it releases
the negativity that holds you back from healing.
Blessings,
Bo
11/25/2013
