No Matter What May Come

The past few days have been beautiful! Not to cold; not to hot. It’s been about 68 degrees with a nice breeze. Flowers are beginning to bloom. Perfect weather for a hoodie, shorts and flip flops! 

I am lovin’ it!!

Just last week school was called off because of flooding. It had rained so hard for 3 or 4 days that the ground was just saturated. It literally could not hold or absorb any more water. In fact, when I stepped out in the yard water would come up over my shoe from the ground. But, within 24 hours the water had receded in some places yet other areas still looked like a lake existed in that spot. Those “lakes” on normal occasions would be a field.

Even with this recent change in the weather, looking back over the past couple weeks, it’s been a little crazy. (Not me, the weather) Ha!

A few weeks ago we were buried beneath ice and snow….a LOT of it!!

I’m not sure where you live or what type of winter weather normally hits your area, but here in southern Indiana it seemed like we were under ice and snow f-o-r-e-v-e-r! Everyone had a case of cabin fever…..especially the parents with kiddo’s who couldn’t go back to school after their Christmas break. (Thank you, God, for Tyler being way beyond school age!)

Here’s my question.

Did you complain about the weather?

*when we had all the ice and snow?

*when we were being drenched with thunderstorms?

*when we had sunny skies the past couple days?

This is the Lord’s doing. It is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it!! (Psalm 118:23-24)

No matter what may come.

Blessings,

Bo

4-11-2014

NO PROBLEM or BIG PROBLEM

I watched my mother be 1,000% devoted to my granny when the time came in my granny’s life that she couldn’t care for herself. It always amazed me – the sacrifice mom made to care for her mother. She always promised my granny that she would get the best possible care and that care would be from her. I never understood it.

 

G.G. - December 2001

My mom gave up everything to insure that my granny was happy, comfortable and well taken care of. One thing my mother took great pride in was her flower garden. It was beautiful! That garden had so many different types of flowers and they bloomed from spring to fall. She loved fresh flowers in her house but most importantly it brought her great joy to cut a bunch of fresh flowers for someone else and surprise them with a beautiful bouquet.

She gave it all up for my granny.  She left her house, her furniture and the beautiful garden to move into my granny’s home with my granny’s furnishings. A home that needed many repairs and wasn’t in the best neighborhood. But, none of that mattered. What mattered was my granny was comfortable in her surroundings and she was receiving the best possible care. As for flowers…my granny was highly allergic to them and could not have them in her house. But, that didn’t matter.

We lost my granny in 2007. She was a wonderful feisty woman who is greatly missed by all, every day.

During the years my mom cared for my granny I always told her, “Mom, when the time comes that you can no longer care for yourself you better hope Scot (my brother) is willing to take you in and care for you because I’m not giving everything up like you did. If he isn’t willing, then you will be in a nursing home because I’m not going to do it.”

I meant those words whole-heartedly. And she knew it. I saw what she went through with my granny. It wasn’t something I was ever going to do. EVER!

A few years ago mom hurt her knee. It healed and recently she injured it again and it required surgery. The doctor said it just needed to be a simple scope procedure. I was willing to help her for a few days until she was back on her feet. No problem!

I love my mom and she knows it. And, I know she loves me. There are no doubts about our love for each other. But, we are both big control freaks and we don’t always see eye-to-eye.

Her surgery was on Monday, March 24, 2014. After the procedure the doctor came to talk to me and said there was more damage than he thought. She had 2 tears. One small one on the inside of her knee, and a very large one on the outer side of her knee. The one on the outer side was large enough that the tissue flapped over. This meant he had to do more work than expected and she was going to be in pain and she needed to stay off of her leg as much as possible for the next week. No problem!

They sent her home with crutches. But she didn’t walk with them out of the hospital, they wheeled her out in a wheelchair. No problem!

BIG PROBLEM! When I got her home I realized 1.) she had no clue how to walk on crutches and 2.) she was way to groggy from medication to balance herself. No problem! Someone had given us a walker “just in case” she needed it. (Thank God!)

BIG PROBLEM! She really didn’t know how to walk with a walker either and was too groggy to do it by herself. No problem! Her gal-pal, Nancy was home to help me get her to her room, changed and into her bed. No problem! Nancy then left to go to work. I was on my own. Someone had also given us a bedside potty to use. I thought “great!” No problem!

Even though mom was groggy and being a good patient her control side emerged and she wanted to do it by herself. She wanted to do it her way but, she didn’t understand she couldn’t because she was groggy and she didn’t have balance. BIG PROBLEM! Hello… introducing MY control freak. The more she insisted the more aggravated I became.

All the walking, changing clothes, getting in bed not only wore her out it wore me out. Her pain intensified and it was almost impossible to help her get out of her “high off the ground” bed and onto the bedside potty, which was less than a foot away.

It wasn’t even 5 hours after her surgery that my thoughts began. “I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this. I said I would never do this.”….even though I knew this was a temporary situation and not the time of her life where she needed daily and forever care.

BIG PROBLEM!

I knew in that instant I needed to not only pray myself but reach out to some of my church sisters and ask them to pray for my attitude. So, I sent out a group text message being totally honest of how I was feeling. I didn’t hold back. I shared it all. I received the responses I knew would come:

“I’m praying.”

“Here for you. Just let me know what I can do.”

“I’ll fix you dinner and come help.”

Those responses helped calm me down. I was content.

No problem!

Then I received a private text from my darling sister in Christ, Mindy. It read (quote)

“Remember that God made her your momma. He set her in that position. Serve God not your momma. You be Jesus to her and let God be God.”

BIG PROBLEM! 

My attitude.

Those words took me to my knees in shame. I know they were not said to make me feel shameful but to help me be the LOVE of Jesus. And in that very instant everything lifted. All of my anxiety, frustration and attitude were gone.

28 WORDS!

From that moment I saw things with new sight. Those words took my heart to a totally different level of love. They opened the eyes of my heart.

You see, I saw a “deed” or “task” that needed to be done. Not a serving to God but, a chore. Not a delight, honor, or privilege as it should be seen.

Hours later when Nancy got home we decided to move mom from her room with the high bed to the guest room with a normal bed. No problem!

What we didn’t realize was mom was still groggy from pain medication and she still didn’t know how to walk with crutches or a walker. (Not that she couldn’t, but she didn’t know the proper way to do so in order to not inflict an injury). With one of us in front steadying the walker and one of us behind her just in case she lost her balance it took us 15 minutes to get from one room to the other, and they were side by side.

Before we got her to the bed she started to shake, saying she was cold. In a matter of seconds her shaking intensified to the level of an uncontrollable, teeth chattering shake. And there was absolutely nothing we could do. We couldn’t rush her into a position on the bed or we could injure the leg that just had surgery. We didn’t think to turn on the electric blanket to warm the bed because it was a quick decision and the room was cold. It’s a guest room and it’s not used very often.

Like chickens with our heads cut off we began moving rapidly trying to get her covered up and warm. One of us ran to the dryer with a blanket and turned it on while the other tried to untangle blankets and get her covered as she laid on cold sheets. And I mean cold!

BIG PROBLEM! 

There was absolutely nothing I could do to warm her any faster. Even laying next to her waiting for the warm blanket from the dryer – it seemed like hours watching her shake uncontrollably. Once the blanket was warm we placed it under the other blankets against her body…and we waited. She slowly began to stop shaking.

Huge sigh of relief. She is now warm. No Problem.

BIG PROBLEM!

I now have to uncover her to put the ice contraption back around her knee. My heart sank. I felt horrible. When I told her what I had to do these huge tears appeared in her eyes and she softly said, “ok.”

What seemed like a massive lump in my throat happened as I pulled the warmth off her body in order to put ice on her knee. I felt like the cruelest person in the world.

I wonder if Jesus ever felt that lump in his throat?!?

I stood by her bedside and watched her slowly – and I mean slowly – start to relax and drift back into a state of grogginess. (Thank you, God!)

I knew she wouldn’t rest long and I knew I needed rest as well since I had only had 1 ½ hours of sleep in 48 hours. So, I curled up in bed and set my alarm for 2 hours. She didn’t even rest for 2 hours. Her bladder called. No problem! We had this challenge mastered!!

BIG PROBLEM!

She had exhausted all her strength. There was nothing left. Her arms were flimsy from holding herself up on the walker and her weak leg was tired from trying to do all the work.

It was 1:30am. Even though I was drained of energy I developed a strength that only God could provide. I’m a fluffy kinda girl and so is my momma. But in that fragment of time I was able to hold both of our weights to move her from the bed to the potty and back to the bed. It was truly supernatural strength!

 

Me and Mom - Summer 2012

As I got her tucked back in bed she began to weep. I bent over to ask what was wrong thinking she was going to tell me she was in pain, however her words were, “ I’m sorry but thank you for taking care of me. I know it’s something you really don’t want to do.”

BIG PROBLEM!

I sat on her bed, snuggled as close as I could and held back the tears in order to not allow her to get even more upset. The words that I had spoken for so many years – words that were not only etched in her head but in her heart, confronted me face to face. My words. My words!

If only she knew the 28 words. Words that had been shared with me hours before. Words that changed the way I felt about caring for my momma. Powerful words that changed my mind on who would care for her years down the road when she could no longer care for herself.

This life event is only temporary. Her knee will heal. The pain will subside. The strength and endurance will return and she will be back outside tending to her beautiful property and delightful flowers. And when this temporary stage is over and she is back up on her feet I will share those 28 words with her. I will then forever begin to tell her that she too, like my granny, will receive the best possible care. It will be me and it will be my honor to serve God and be like Jesus for her. NO PROBLEM!

So when you’re challenged with a task that you really don’t want to do please let yourself be reminded of these 28 words, even though it may not have anything to do with your momma.

“Remember that God made her your momma. He set her in that position. Serve God not your momma. You be Jesus to her and let God be God.”

Blessings!

Bo

03/25/2014

4:46am

DEAR TYLER....

  

Dear Tyler,

  

As I embrace another sleepless night, my mind is filled with thoughts of you. Ninety days from now you will marry your best friend. The woman you chose to be your life partner. Your confidante. Beautiful Heather.

                It seems like yesterday you were this tiny little man-cub 

Remembering back……

                                       There are so many 1^st’s …..

     

                           

           Denny made one very cool bed!                 

                       

 You jumped without even thinking. Even today you step forward in faith.

          

        

Remember peeking under Uncle Mike’s Tux Tail to see what was under there?  Everyone.... cracked up!

We've been through some scary stuff! Who would have ever thought while you and friends were out smashing pumpkins that a stick would be thrown and make direct contact with your eye. You spent 2 weeks in the recliner with no tv, no video games, no over excitement. That was a very LONG 2 weeks. Praise God there was no serious damage done.

                                               

                         

              Aw, the joy of the twins. 

                  Such fun!!

        

                            Your 1st vehicle......and you buried it! 

                            You've had more than one stuck truck.

                           

                     

Just the beginning of gauged ears!

                                   

                                Happy 21^st Birthday!

             The only beer I’ve ever bought you!

                

                                                                                                                                                             One of 3 precious gifts of our extended family: 

The J-5 Crew

Words will never describe the joy I had when these pictures arrived in my email. You have been called since the 1st breath you took.

Many have been touched my your love and compassion. As                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

One of my favorite pictures you have ever taken. You have such a knack in capturing the coolest shoots.

Can you hear her purr?

   

                                                             

             

Brothers from other Mothers. 

This is the 2nd truck that got stuck!

                                             

This picture will never express the heartfelt sorrow we experienced as we drove through Henryville that day. Such devastation was done. And the lens couldn't capture the path because it was so wide.

And you took that solitaire diamond and created one of the most beautiful rings I've ever seen.  

                                      

And she said, 'YES!!"

A BIG decision you and Heather made together. To sponsor a child through World Vision. And what a wonderful blessing for Djeneba to have sponsors.

            

Another Brother from another Mother.

Shawn is one of your closest and dearest friends.

He has done so much for us.

Love you Shawn!!.....aka......"George"           

Never in a million years

would I have dreamed I'd see you

in a bow tie.                                      

But I loved it!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

    Above all else I know Heather is your 1^st True Love.

So, as we begin the final countdown to your wedding day, I anxiously anticipate seeing the joyous & infectious smile on your face when you say,“I DO!” Because at that very moment I know you will be happier than ever before and that, in and of itself, will warm my heart abundantly.

1 Corinthians 1:4-5

I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus.  In him you have been blessed in every way. He has blessed you in your speaking and all your knowledge.

You have grown into an outstanding and loyal man of God and I am so proud of you in every aspect. You are my greatest blessing and I love you!!!

Love,

          Momma

3/2/2014 – 90 days before you wedding.

STAND ON THE POWER OF GOD

Recently, I was asked by a friend to share with our woman’s group how I feel God has helped me find my voice and stand on His power. I was honored that she asked me. But, I was stumped. I pondered over this for over a week. It just didn’t click for me. “How He’s helped me find my voice and stand on His power?” Really?!?

I’ve never had a quiet voice. I was on a pep team, I was a cheerleader, I held many class officer positions: class President, class Secretary, and class Treasurer. And I was even on the newspaper staff in high school. So, I’ve never been a quiet person. My vocal cords have always been heard. Even, when I whisper they’re heard. I’m just one of those people who have a big mouth. LOL

Not long ago, I shared with the world part of my testimony on my blog. I’ve shared it many times over the last 12 years: women’s groups, youth groups, and at church with my church family. Every time I share it I cry, but it gets easier each time. And each time there are fewer tears. The tears are never sad – more from shame & shock of the things I’d done in my life.

About 2 ½ years ago, right after my divorce, I started reading James. I fell in love with James 1:2 which reads: Consider it pure joy Brothers and Sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.

I have really focused on it being part of my daily walk. I would and do find myself telling people something similar when they’re mad or upset with someone about something ….  ”Don’t let anyone steal your God given joy. They don’t deserve that privilege.”

James 1:2-15 says…   ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

⁹ Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. ¹⁰ But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. ¹¹ For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

¹³ When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

I’d really thought and prayed over what I would share at the women’s group and I kept focusing on the vocal cords and finding my voice. I just didn’t know where to start. So, I started with looking back through my journals. And I happened to come upon my first visit at Legacy Life.

I first visited LLC in July 2013. I met a wonderful woman named, Carolyn, we shook hands, and at the end of service she stood with a prophetic message for me. In front of the entire church she said, “You have a strong firm handshake and I know you are a strong, powerful and vibrant woman.

I CRIED.

Then, about 2 months later, a gentleman named Chris stood with another prophetic message for me. He said, “The relationship you’re worried about and missing will work itself out the way you want it too. And it will be powerful and stronger then ever before.”

I CRIED.

In mid November they had a guest speaker. Her name was Lawrita. At the time I didn’t know she was a member of the church who had moved away and was in town to share her testimony, which was amazingly beautiful. After her testimony she looked right at me with a prophetic message. She said, “The lady in the orange shirt, I don’t know you, but I need to tell you……You’ve been very sick and you are toxic. You have been poisoned by someone but they are gone. They won’t have a hold over you any longer. You are now on the road of healing and you are going to be strong and powerful.”

I WEPT. There was no crying to it…full force weeping from the soul.

This past Sunday, February 23, 2014, Pastor Gregg had yet another prophetic message for me. He said, “The relationship(s) that have had you so bogged down are now gone. You are shining, growing and you are a very powerful woman of God. Your time has arrived!”

I smiled a HUGE smile all while nodding YES!

This is what no one from that church knew at those times:

** When Carolyn spoke….I was in a relationship that I felt was wonderful and I was happier than I’d ever been. I had never been so in love with someone in my entire life.

** When Chris spoke ….that relationship had been ended by the mans choice. But, I was clinging on with all my might making myself available 1-3 times a week, at his convenience. I had convinced myself it would work out by the end of the year, if I could just hang on and be patient, giving him some time. I did this for 4 months after he broke up with me.

** When Lawrita spoke….I had JUST openly confessed to my son that I had realized I had made the man in that relationship an idol. An idol that was consuming every thought I had throughout the day and it was seriously and literally deteriorating my health.

***I had begun praying to God and begging for His mercy***

“God I’m sooo sorry. I’ve made a man my focus. An idol – above you. The thoughts and longing for him HURT and I miss him so deeply.  I know where I am is wrong. I want those thoughts and desires to be replaced by YOU. I want YOU…and only YOU in my heart. I want YOUR love. Please allow me to suffer as long as it takes to help me understand this should never happen again. I will never worship man more than my love for you. Please, God, help me and take these thoughts and desires of and for him away. Amen.”

This prayer was literally being prayed 50-60 times a day. Every time I thought of him I would stop and pray and each time I would weep as I prayed. The desires for him were so strong it was unreal and the praying was something I had kept to myself. I had only shared with a few choice friends, and the women of my bible group didn’t have a clue, because I didn’t really know them very well and didn’t feel comfortable in sharing this information. So I was destroying myself from within with my little secret of idoltry.

The holidays were tough. I was extremely sick. And I thought I was lonely. As New Years Eve approached my longing for him was still strong. On New Years Eve I made that midnight call to wish him Happy New Year and tell him, one last time, I loved him. Then, when I hung up I promised not only myself, but God there would be NO MORE CONTACT. I would not call him, text him, email him, or stop by his house. N-O-T-H-I-N-G! No contact, whatsoever!

A few days before Valentine’s Day I really thought I was going to have a very emotional day. But I didn’t! I didn’t even think about him that day. I was so focused on God that I even posted a post on facebook that read… This is a day when many feel sad & lonely over, because they feel they have no one to love them. But God gives us the greatest love of all. 
May He be your forever Valentine!

It wasn’t until a few days after Valentine’s Day that I realized God had answered my prayer. My focus, my love and my heart was for HIM and not a man.

When Pastor Gregg spoke to me on Sunday, I KNEW my smile was for God. I’d fallen back in love with Him the way I should have remained while in that relationship. I had been cleansed of the poison and was on my way to being a loud voice for God….with honesty and respect for myself.

I can say, without a doubt in my mind, one of Gods vessels was the man in that relationship. You see, he taught me to see things around me. To smell the smells. To feel, with my eyes closed and without touching. To see the beauty of Gods creation that I had been looking at for years, but never truly saw. But, most importantly…he delivered the biggest and most valuable message God intended for me to receive. He encouraged me to write. He faithfully encouraged me to pick the pen up that I had laid down 10 years ago. And for those things I will forever be thankful.

We don’t know Gods will for us, nor will we ever. But He does allow us to have our own free will. Our will usually isn’t Gods will for us. I needed to go through that trial of the relationship in order to find the Holy Spirit and fall in love with Him again and realize it was time to use the gift in which I was blessed. The gift of writing.

I had been ½ heartedly writing since May 2013. At the request of a friend I started a blog in August. In January I made a commitment to try to write everyday or every other day. In mid January of 2014, I had 65 all time history views on my blog. I was thrilled. I was writing but wasn’t really sharing except with a few choice people.

When I wrote this testimony for the women’s group my blog had 1,153 all time history views. That was on February 25^th, 2014 @ 10:52pm.  I’m not trying to come off as boasting so please forgive me if it seems that way, but if you ask me, that’s a pretty significant jump in 3 weeks. And it’s ALL God!!!

I saw Mindy on Monday afternoon and she ask if I was ready to share how God has helped me find my voice and stand on His power and I said, “No.”

I hadn’t even begun! I didn’t know where to begin. I just didn’t get it. It was a complete blank. How has God helped me find my voice? Urgh…what if I didn’t figure it out before I was suppose to share on Wednesday night?

I went to bed that night, still not having a clue what I was going to say. Because I wrestle with insomnia, I’ve made it a habit to pray myself to sleep. As I was about to nod off …. He spoke ever so softly.

“It’s not the voice of your vocal cords, but the voice of your heart.”

THAT’S IT!  That’s the voice God has helped me find and only by His mercy and grace have I realized I was standing on His power. Just like when we were little girls we stood on our daddy’s feet to dance. I’ve been standing on my Father’s feet for support and learning the movements to the music that will grow me into being the powerful woman that everyone from this church saw – when they knew NOTHING about me.

Carolyn felt the strength and the power. (It was in the handshake)

Chris saw the relationship. The one he said would work out. (Remember…I cried out to God to help me come back to Him. To fall in love with HIM again) Of course, when Chris spoke I thought it meant it would be worked out with me and the man. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it meant with God.

Lawrita saw the poison and said it was gone and that a cleansing was happening. (The prayers and weeping) I don’t believe the poison was this man. I believe it was from a combination of people: ex-husbands, friends...etc. But worshiping an idol was my fault and it was the final ingredient of the poisonous concoction.

Pastor Gregg verified the bad relationships were over and the power has arrived. (My complete focus on God and my passion to write for His glory)

I think it was Pastor Gregg’s wife, Trina, who recently said…

”When you receive a prophetic word it isn’t meant for that very moment and you don’t really even understand it at that time.”

I starting receiving those prophetic words 7 months ago. Had I not been journaling the experiences of life and at church I would have missed seeing how God has been working in my life. And I might even have missed that my time is NOW!

God has helped me find the voice of my heart and I am standing on His power and I shall ROAR as a powerful Lioness Arising*.

Blessings~

Bo

2/25/2014

Written to share with the Ladies of Legacy.

*Lioness Arising is a book by Lisa Bevere.