STAND ON THE POWER OF GOD

Recently, I was asked by a friend to share with our woman’s group how I feel God has helped me find my voice and stand on His power. I was honored that she asked me. But, I was stumped. I pondered over this for over a week. It just didn’t click for me. “How He’s helped me find my voice and stand on His power?” Really?!?

I’ve never had a quiet voice. I was on a pep team, I was a cheerleader, I held many class officer positions: class President, class Secretary, and class Treasurer. And I was even on the newspaper staff in high school. So, I’ve never been a quiet person. My vocal cords have always been heard. Even, when I whisper they’re heard. I’m just one of those people who have a big mouth. LOL

Not long ago, I shared with the world part of my testimony on my blog. I’ve shared it many times over the last 12 years: women’s groups, youth groups, and at church with my church family. Every time I share it I cry, but it gets easier each time. And each time there are fewer tears. The tears are never sad – more from shame & shock of the things I’d done in my life.

About 2 ½ years ago, right after my divorce, I started reading James. I fell in love with James 1:2 which reads: Consider it pure joy Brothers and Sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds.

I have really focused on it being part of my daily walk. I would and do find myself telling people something similar when they’re mad or upset with someone about something ….  ”Don’t let anyone steal your God given joy. They don’t deserve that privilege.”

James 1:2-15 says…   ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

⁹ Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. ¹⁰ But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. ¹¹ For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

¹³ When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

I’d really thought and prayed over what I would share at the women’s group and I kept focusing on the vocal cords and finding my voice. I just didn’t know where to start. So, I started with looking back through my journals. And I happened to come upon my first visit at Legacy Life.

I first visited LLC in July 2013. I met a wonderful woman named, Carolyn, we shook hands, and at the end of service she stood with a prophetic message for me. In front of the entire church she said, “You have a strong firm handshake and I know you are a strong, powerful and vibrant woman.

I CRIED.

Then, about 2 months later, a gentleman named Chris stood with another prophetic message for me. He said, “The relationship you’re worried about and missing will work itself out the way you want it too. And it will be powerful and stronger then ever before.”

I CRIED.

In mid November they had a guest speaker. Her name was Lawrita. At the time I didn’t know she was a member of the church who had moved away and was in town to share her testimony, which was amazingly beautiful. After her testimony she looked right at me with a prophetic message. She said, “The lady in the orange shirt, I don’t know you, but I need to tell you……You’ve been very sick and you are toxic. You have been poisoned by someone but they are gone. They won’t have a hold over you any longer. You are now on the road of healing and you are going to be strong and powerful.”

I WEPT. There was no crying to it…full force weeping from the soul.

This past Sunday, February 23, 2014, Pastor Gregg had yet another prophetic message for me. He said, “The relationship(s) that have had you so bogged down are now gone. You are shining, growing and you are a very powerful woman of God. Your time has arrived!”

I smiled a HUGE smile all while nodding YES!

This is what no one from that church knew at those times:

** When Carolyn spoke….I was in a relationship that I felt was wonderful and I was happier than I’d ever been. I had never been so in love with someone in my entire life.

** When Chris spoke ….that relationship had been ended by the mans choice. But, I was clinging on with all my might making myself available 1-3 times a week, at his convenience. I had convinced myself it would work out by the end of the year, if I could just hang on and be patient, giving him some time. I did this for 4 months after he broke up with me.

** When Lawrita spoke….I had JUST openly confessed to my son that I had realized I had made the man in that relationship an idol. An idol that was consuming every thought I had throughout the day and it was seriously and literally deteriorating my health.

***I had begun praying to God and begging for His mercy***

“God I’m sooo sorry. I’ve made a man my focus. An idol – above you. The thoughts and longing for him HURT and I miss him so deeply.  I know where I am is wrong. I want those thoughts and desires to be replaced by YOU. I want YOU…and only YOU in my heart. I want YOUR love. Please allow me to suffer as long as it takes to help me understand this should never happen again. I will never worship man more than my love for you. Please, God, help me and take these thoughts and desires of and for him away. Amen.”

This prayer was literally being prayed 50-60 times a day. Every time I thought of him I would stop and pray and each time I would weep as I prayed. The desires for him were so strong it was unreal and the praying was something I had kept to myself. I had only shared with a few choice friends, and the women of my bible group didn’t have a clue, because I didn’t really know them very well and didn’t feel comfortable in sharing this information. So I was destroying myself from within with my little secret of idoltry.

The holidays were tough. I was extremely sick. And I thought I was lonely. As New Years Eve approached my longing for him was still strong. On New Years Eve I made that midnight call to wish him Happy New Year and tell him, one last time, I loved him. Then, when I hung up I promised not only myself, but God there would be NO MORE CONTACT. I would not call him, text him, email him, or stop by his house. N-O-T-H-I-N-G! No contact, whatsoever!

A few days before Valentine’s Day I really thought I was going to have a very emotional day. But I didn’t! I didn’t even think about him that day. I was so focused on God that I even posted a post on facebook that read… This is a day when many feel sad & lonely over, because they feel they have no one to love them. But God gives us the greatest love of all. 
May He be your forever Valentine!

It wasn’t until a few days after Valentine’s Day that I realized God had answered my prayer. My focus, my love and my heart was for HIM and not a man.

When Pastor Gregg spoke to me on Sunday, I KNEW my smile was for God. I’d fallen back in love with Him the way I should have remained while in that relationship. I had been cleansed of the poison and was on my way to being a loud voice for God….with honesty and respect for myself.

I can say, without a doubt in my mind, one of Gods vessels was the man in that relationship. You see, he taught me to see things around me. To smell the smells. To feel, with my eyes closed and without touching. To see the beauty of Gods creation that I had been looking at for years, but never truly saw. But, most importantly…he delivered the biggest and most valuable message God intended for me to receive. He encouraged me to write. He faithfully encouraged me to pick the pen up that I had laid down 10 years ago. And for those things I will forever be thankful.

We don’t know Gods will for us, nor will we ever. But He does allow us to have our own free will. Our will usually isn’t Gods will for us. I needed to go through that trial of the relationship in order to find the Holy Spirit and fall in love with Him again and realize it was time to use the gift in which I was blessed. The gift of writing.

I had been ½ heartedly writing since May 2013. At the request of a friend I started a blog in August. In January I made a commitment to try to write everyday or every other day. In mid January of 2014, I had 65 all time history views on my blog. I was thrilled. I was writing but wasn’t really sharing except with a few choice people.

When I wrote this testimony for the women’s group my blog had 1,153 all time history views. That was on February 25^th, 2014 @ 10:52pm.  I’m not trying to come off as boasting so please forgive me if it seems that way, but if you ask me, that’s a pretty significant jump in 3 weeks. And it’s ALL God!!!

I saw Mindy on Monday afternoon and she ask if I was ready to share how God has helped me find my voice and stand on His power and I said, “No.”

I hadn’t even begun! I didn’t know where to begin. I just didn’t get it. It was a complete blank. How has God helped me find my voice? Urgh…what if I didn’t figure it out before I was suppose to share on Wednesday night?

I went to bed that night, still not having a clue what I was going to say. Because I wrestle with insomnia, I’ve made it a habit to pray myself to sleep. As I was about to nod off …. He spoke ever so softly.

“It’s not the voice of your vocal cords, but the voice of your heart.”

THAT’S IT!  That’s the voice God has helped me find and only by His mercy and grace have I realized I was standing on His power. Just like when we were little girls we stood on our daddy’s feet to dance. I’ve been standing on my Father’s feet for support and learning the movements to the music that will grow me into being the powerful woman that everyone from this church saw – when they knew NOTHING about me.

Carolyn felt the strength and the power. (It was in the handshake)

Chris saw the relationship. The one he said would work out. (Remember…I cried out to God to help me come back to Him. To fall in love with HIM again) Of course, when Chris spoke I thought it meant it would be worked out with me and the man. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it meant with God.

Lawrita saw the poison and said it was gone and that a cleansing was happening. (The prayers and weeping) I don’t believe the poison was this man. I believe it was from a combination of people: ex-husbands, friends...etc. But worshiping an idol was my fault and it was the final ingredient of the poisonous concoction.

Pastor Gregg verified the bad relationships were over and the power has arrived. (My complete focus on God and my passion to write for His glory)

I think it was Pastor Gregg’s wife, Trina, who recently said…

”When you receive a prophetic word it isn’t meant for that very moment and you don’t really even understand it at that time.”

I starting receiving those prophetic words 7 months ago. Had I not been journaling the experiences of life and at church I would have missed seeing how God has been working in my life. And I might even have missed that my time is NOW!

God has helped me find the voice of my heart and I am standing on His power and I shall ROAR as a powerful Lioness Arising*.

Blessings~

Bo

2/25/2014

Written to share with the Ladies of Legacy.

*Lioness Arising is a book by Lisa Bevere.