REFLECTIONS of 2013

As I look back on 2013 I am was blessed in so many ways. The year came in with a kiss….I can’t say I’d ever had a new years kiss, or at least don’t ever remember one. I think that would be something you’d never forget. Yes, I had dates but always avoided the kiss. Don’t ask why because I don’t have an answer. And when I was married, we didn’t celebrate the New Year and I was always asleep by the stroke of midnight.

My passion for writing was ignited. A passion that got buried with an “I do”. A passion that God instilled within my soul and I shall grip with all my strength to never release again. It shall be for Gods glory forward and I am worthy of the fruits within: joy, peace, kindness, love, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, patience and self-control…and pray the would touch the lives of others through the inspiration of my writings.

I was blessed with fishing. Conversation on the water. Sometimes we never spoke a word but knew exactly what we each had to say. Deep conversation. Conversation that comes with connection. But, it wasn’t just fishing. It was seeing….seeing Gods masterpiece of beauty around me. Sunsets so breath-taking that words could never describe, but I was able to capture with my camera. And, each time I look at those photos I am blessed yet again to see that beauty and remember those fishing moments.

I was blessed with the enjoyment and desire of photography. I’d played with the camera several times. Even took some pictures of families when I was in St. Louis. But, I just took the pictures. I never really “focused” on what I saw through the lens. I was blessed to capture some pretty amazing photos.

I was blessed with realizing I take my eyes for granted. Applying too much pressure to my right eye while on vacation, I literally popped the eye out of socket. It was extremely painful and my sight was blurring for quite some time. Doctors said it would recover the sight but it would be months. And it was. To this day I still have problems: swelling, blurred vision, pain…..but I have sight. And for that I praise God. Should I ever loose my sight let me always be reminded of the beauty of Gods creation that I looked at but never truly seen. I now know….don’t just see it..feel it!

I was blessed with so much laughter. Giggle breaks upon giggle breaks. Massive quantities of laughter! Some I only remember the laughter and not what was said or done. Tears turned to laughter. Laughter at trying to learn new things. Especially one item called a “SheWee” and trying to master the technique. (Please look up SheWee) Some moments and conversation, oh I can remember what was said, but I can’t repeat it. LMBO.  The best laughter was recent and all I will write is…. it pertained to hot peppers. I literally laughed until I pee’d my pants.

I was blessed with music. Trying to play an instrument. There was enough enjoyment that I’m looking into continuing a lesson.

I was blessed with bundles and bundles and bundles of fresh produce. Absolutely delicious!

I was blessed with new adventures, experiences, and taste tests.

I was blessed with the beginning of wedding plans with my son, Tyler and his beautifully spirited fiance’ Heather. That wedding will take place May 31, 2014.

I was blessed with finding a home to rent where I could have my 2 fur babies: Sunshine & Raven. A home with a fenced yard where they can run & bark. A home that sits across from a field with 3 elegant and graceful horses. One just a baby but growing rapidly. What a blessing to watch him grow.

I am blessed with being healthier than I’ve been in many, many years. A healing stopped me from having to carry Pepto in my purse 24/7.

I was blessed with friendships that I hold near and dear. Friendships with people who are closer than some of my own family members. True realization that BLOOD DON’T MATTER.

I was blessed with love. Love that taught me to trust again….to let my guard down….to believe in me. Love that taught there are new journeys, adventures and experience to still be had.

Thank you, God!!

Forgive me for whining about things you did not bless me with. For deep within my soul I know the blessings I hoped, prayed and wished for that didn’t come the way I wanted them…..did and will come the way YOU will them.

I can’t wait to see how you rock my socks in 2014!

Let the blessings begin!

Happy New Year to All.

Blessings,

Bo

12/31/2013

Uncle Steve

Tonight....heaven gained an angel. My uncle, Steve Davenport. 
Though I know in my heart he walks with his Heavenly Father, my weeping has begun as my heart is heavy. Losing someone this time of year sucks. The eve of Christmas Eve. 
But, is there truly any time of year that is good for death? 

I had sent a message to Gretchen asking about Christmas Eve plans. Her response knocked me off my feet. "That's fine. Dad just got taken to the hospital in an ambulance. He went into cardiac arrest once and they are still working on him. Please pray for him. PLEASE." It was 8:25pm.

I couldn't get out the door fast enough. It seemed as though the world was in slow motion. As I struggled to get the door locked my prayer seemed like a fumbled football. All over the place. Every direction. Breathe Bo.....breathe.

By the time I picked mom up and got to the hospital to be support for the family, just knowing he was fine......I did not yet know the outcome.
It took me less than 15 minutes.
We saw Tony on the sidewalk. Pacing. Mom asked how uncle Steve was and Tony answered...but his voice was silent. His lips moved. I saw them! But no voice. Then he repeated himself. "He passed." As I hugged him my eyes found Logan across the parking lot. I couldn't get to him fast enough.
Logan pulled me into his big husky arms, buried his head on my shoulder and cried. Repeating..."so much was said and so much was not said".

I headed in the ER. Jason, Bryce....the doors opened and we followed a nurse. The trauma room door opened. There sat Krista and my aunt Sharon holding uncle Steve's hand. My breath was taken away. 

This is the moment when you want to say so many things but you don't know what to say. The most common thing is "I'm so sorry. I know how you feel."
I refuse to say those words. I don't know how they feel. I still have both my parents and no spouse to lose. What the hell do I say? 

But, where's Gretchen? As I walked out of the room and headed towards the ER waiting area those huge doors opened...there hobbled Gretchen followed by John. Gretchen doing everything in her power to remain balanced on her crutches as she wept for her daddy. The embrace between us said it all. I didn't want to let go.

Kelly was in Colorado. Not sure who contacted her but I know Aunt Sharon was talking to her through the fog that seemed to be so thick in the room. 

Text Scot. Call Dad. Text Ty. Call Mike. My list was complete. Am I dreaming?
This is the eve of Christmas Eve. This can't be happening. But it's very real.

"So much was said and so much was not said" kept ringing in my ears. Logan, 22 years old, had said those heart wrenching words. Words of truth.

Those words haunt me. They always have. I've had the fear of having an argument and then losing someone before I could say I'm sorry. But it didn't stop my words or actions. Or not telling someone I love that I love them. Many times I can look right at them and think the words but not speak them.

We are not guaranteed tomorrow. Shoot, we aren't guaranteed 5 minutes from now.

We all say things we regret. The bad thing is we say them without even thinking sometimes. I know no-one who has a tamed tongue. Scripture tells us about taming the tongue in James 3:3-11...

3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?

There's not a soul on this earth that has not spoken ill of or to someone they love. Nor is there a soul on this earth that has not gone to bed angry with someone they love. Yet scripture warns us of this in Ephesians 4:26...

"In your anger do not sin"; do not let the sun go down while you are still angry

I'm so guilty. So very guilty. 
What is it? What is it that causes us to feel as though we need to speak harsh to others or can't forgive what's spoken to us. Why can we think the words "I love you" but not speak them in that moment? What a mighty stronghold. What a shame.

When, in the blink of an eye....life ends. And we can never say "I'm sorry" or "I love you."

So much was said....and so much was not said.
My heart is heavy and I weep.

12/23/2013

LABOR & DELIVERY

LABOR & DELIVERY

Labor & Delivery….the simplest of words, yet so very complex. Labor is intense. Hard-core and usually full of pain. When most people think of labor they think of the  labor of bearing a child. The horror stories that women hear of the pain & pressure endured to deliver a child. Then comes the breathtaking moment of the delivery. The silence. When the intense hard-core pain subsides and you anxiously await the subtle scream of a child.

Is it not, that we go through the labor of life? The challenges, storms, love, heartbreak, & growth of it all. How ever do we get through it? With every challenge we face we have no choice but to grow from the experience. For every storm our lives encounter, again labor brings growth. With every love there is disappointment and heartbreak. With every love and every heartbreak there is growth.

But every single time we experience labor we are delivered through the pain. We are delivered through God. Did Gods son not endure the cruelest labor ever? He carried his cross through the village. I can’t imagine the weight of that cross…not just physically but mentally. Knowing in the end He would be hung to die on that cross. Yet, His last wish… “Father, forgive them. For they know not what they do.” His greatest prayer as He was being delivered.

The hardest labor is to deliver your child.

Just as God delivered Jesus….. for the pain of our sins.

Blessings,

Bo

12/18/2013

PASSION ON PAPER

I’m not so sure people truly understand this thing called passion. They wander through life without experiencing the passion of life’s experiences. They do what they need to do just to get it over and done with. But there is no passion. No drive from the heart.

On a dating website most people describe themselves as Caring, whitty, fun, trustworthy, independent, easy going.  They focus on materialistic objects. Their car, their house, their motorcycle, and/or their boat. It’s all superficial. Those are things. Those items don’t make you who you are.

But the people lack something. They aren’t telling me what they're passionate about. What makes your heart tick? They don’t know who they are. I want to know who you are. They try to hold conversations but it just doesn’t go anywhere because there is no passion. There’s no drive. No heart. It’s as though they are lifeless with objects.

Passion isn’t an object. It’s a crave. A crave beyond anything else. Not to just exist. But, to exist with life. Zest. To give your all in everything at every moment. Most people can say they are passionate about one or two things but in reality we should be passionate about all things. Passion of our hearts.

We should be passionate about waking up. We should be passionate in what we strive to be. Know who we are. Live life with zest!

One thing I’m extremely passionate about is writing. It’s a blessing from God. It comes pretty easy for me. Well, I say it comes pretty easy. The thoughts come and I scribble and scribble until it all comes together and sometimes that might take days. But, I don’t want to just write anything. I want to passionately inspire others while sharing God's love. To have others feel love through the passion on paper. To write from my heart.

I’m guilty of not being passionate about all things all the time. But this is a new day …and I’m stepping forward. Wont you step with me?

What's your passion??????

Blessings,

Bo

12/4/2013