In The Blink of An Eye

Last weekend my son, Tyler, and his sweetheart, Heather, exchanged wedding vows and began their life partnership. It was beautiful; to say the least.

This photo was taken by The Lovely Lens Photography in St. Louis, Missouri.
 Do not crop or edit this photo in any way.

This afternoon as I sit relaxing under a tree, I’m thinking of all that has come to pass. It’s as though it happened in a blink of an eye. Some things I simply didn’t see and many are a blur.

When I say the wedding was beautiful I don’t mean the bride. She was beyond beautiful. Her everyday beauty, inside and out, is breathtaking. However, on their wedding day she was simply stunning. You could not take your eyes off of her.

Only a few pictures from their photographer, Tammi Camp of The Lovely Lens Photography in St. Louis, Missouri (whom I highly recommend) have been revealed. The other photos I have seen are from family and friends. Looking through those photos I have found myself saying, “I didn’t see that!” or “Where was I?” or “I don’t remember that!” And in my small realm of a mind it’s hard to grasp that those moments happened and I didn’t see or experience them. Especially on the wedding day of my only child.

I don’t have the best memory in the world, but is it possible our minds get so overloaded we literally don’t remember? Before arriving in St. Louis for the wedding my mind was already in a world of chaos. Living states away I simply was not able to be a part of the things I wanted and desired to be part of. I’m sure if I say, “Little girls dream of their wedding day all their lives” you know exactly what I mean. Well, a Mom dreams of things for her children’s wedding day as well.

This is not something I really want to share, but am led to do so. Being brutally honest with myself and sharing with the world I must admit.... there were times when the beast within my body reared its head. My tongue! I allowed my emotions to react and my tongue to whip all because of my own insecurities and selfishness. I’m sad to say, more than once.

Regardless of who you are I’m pretty certain you’ve experienced something similar like this in your lifetime, and maybe even on a daily basis.

James 3:2-5 (ERV)

We all make mistakes. A person who never said anything wrong would be perfect. Someone like that would be able to control their whole body too. We put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us. With these bits we can control their whole body. It is the same with ships. A ship is very big, and it is pushed by strong winds. But a very small rudder controls that ship. And the one who controls the rudder decides where the ship will go. It goes where he wants it to go. It is the same with our tongue. It is a small part of the body, but it can boast about doing great things.

…..and can whip in a blink of an eye! Could this be the reason there are things I didn’t see, or why things seem a blur? Has my mind blocked things from pure shame?

I recently read…… When our hearts desire something more than this world can give, God isn’t ashamed to be called our God.

I jotted that down in my journal and unfortunately I didn’t make note of where I read it. I like to give credit where credit is due.

Those words stuck me like a ball bat. I wanted and desired to be part of things of this world that really didn’t matter. I allowed myself to focus on them and in turn said and did things that should have never been said or done. The words of what I read gave me the assurance that God still loves me even though my focus was not on Him. It was of the world.

Ever since I wrote that statement down I’ve been praying that God would show me a moment during the wedding that wasn’t blurry. For Him to guide me to let go of my focus on, “what I did or didn’t get to do” and “what I did or didn’t get to see.”

In James 4:2 God tells us, “You have not, because you ask not.”

I prayed and asked. He delivered. He not only reminded me of one thing, but several.

1. I was wanted and needed there for my love and support. (No matter what the darkness of my mind said. And even after my tongue got the best of me.)
2. On this day my son was happier than I’ve ever seen him. The glow of his joy filled that entire church.
3. But nearest, dearest and forever etched on my heart and soul…… When I entered the doorway to be ushered down the aisle as mother of the groom, I was not escorted by an usher. My son, whom was standing in the front of the church with his best man and groomsmen came down the aisle, took my arm in his and proudly escorted me to my seat.

These are the things that really matter.

 

This photo was taken by The Lovely Lens Photography in St. Louis, Missouri.
Do not crop or edit this photo in any way.

For those reading who attended the wedding…… This journal is the best I can explain anything. If my actions affected you, I am deeply sorry and pray for your forgiveness.

Blessings~

Bo

06/07/2014